Flab to Fab: Week 3

I feel fat today, and I want to sob.

I guess I should have knocked some wood, because right after my last post on the Flab to Fab series, I was tested and I failed. Sorry to be less than inspiring, but I just have to be honest.

Let's start with the bad news.

The Food:
It all started last Tuesday, at buffet #1. Buffets are an overeaters biggest enemy. Being a broke overeater makes it even harder to resist. I mean, c'mon, a seemingly endless sea of gourmet goodies.... for free? I ate way too much. Worse, as I was eating, I knew it was wrong. "You don't need that cake," I'd say to myself "you're not even hungry!" But still I ate it, with shame in my heart. It was the most powerless I've felt in the 3 weeks since making this wed-solution. I really let myself down.

So, you'd think I'd learn from it, right? Hold on, as I take you on my downward spiral of diet despair.

Next came my birthday last Friday. Hunter made me a glorious cake (butter yellow layer cake with coconut and heath bar crumbles and chocolate icing? YUM), and I ate far more than my share of it, and the other birthday goodies at my disposal. Not the way I hoped to kick off my 31st year. Sunday was yet another party, with yet another buffet. My social nervous habit of constant noshing kicked in full-force, and I left the party angry, bloated, and disappointed with myself. Its been a stressful few days since, leading up to the end of the honeymoon contest that we're fighting to win, and starting a new job. Every moment is a struggle not to nibble just to calm myself. I don't know why I still crave it, knowing I never feel good after giving in to that urge. Sadly, that common sense doesn't affect the desire for more. Insanity, I know.

In just one week it really feels like I've undone so much. Despite having worked out 3 times, I still feel overstuffed and uncomfortable. I dare not step foot on the scale.

Tonight, I get on a plane for MaPo's wedding, back to Chicago where even greater food temptation awaits me. I'll be far from Tiger and my workout regime. I'll be in the land of french fried hot dogs and my dad's amazing (albeit rich) cooking. I'm terrified.

My plan is this: To think before I eat. And while I eat. Between bites, before bites, I need to constantly evaluate why I'm about to put it into my mouth and if I really need it. Is it the right choice, or is there a better one? I also need to remember that I'll be back in Chicago 2 months from now, to avoid "last chance" syndrome.

I just don't get it. I have control over everything in my life, but this. I've mastered self-awareness and constantly strive to understand my motives and behavior to make myself a better person.... ever-growing. Even so, (and it might sound dramatic to some of you out there) right now, I feel like a drug addict, jonesing for a fix. And I hate it.

I refuse to give up, though. I'm more determined than ever to overcome this hurdle, and not let it drag me down.

The workouts:
Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday: Workouts with Tiger
No extra exercise at all.

We did yoga one day, which was a great stress-reliever. The other 2 days were circuit training and we had a great time, as usual. I can feel my heart and lungs getting stronger, and my energy is up. All very good things.

This week I hope to Shred It at least twice while I'm in Chicago, to keep the momentum up and keep myself motivated to eat better. Then, we we get back I'm going to ask Tiger to ramp it up and give us some more intensity to get my metabolism back on track and remind myself of how powerful I truly am. That's the key, I guess.... not letting my failures dictate my future.

How's your fitness wed-solution treating you? How do you dust yourself off after falling down?