I was inspired by Guilty, who was inspired by RedFrame, to get deep today about my past relationships.
In my 'past life', I used to be the type of girl who loved the "bad boys". I loved me a brooding, miserable male with a boatload of luggage which I could spend months-to-years trying to help him unload. Even if he didn't want to. And they never do. Trust me. From addicts to assholes - their M.O. was always the same. And I, a glutton for punishment, patiently loved them through it, or so I thought.
I spent roughly 10 years of my life confused. Why was love so miserable? Why didn't I feel that soaring, glowing happiness that was equated with love in all public forums? When was it going to be my turn to be taken care of? Why was this all so exhausting?
Then I met Hunter. And I was converted. (cue soaring love music)
I realize now that I never truly experienced romantic love before.
But, it took some time to forgive myself for being a doormat, a mother, a therapist and everything but a healthy girlfriend. It took even more time to forgive those boyfriends for.... oh you know, being terrible boyfriends. But in the end, I was responsible for allowing it to go on - so ultimately I have to own up to myself in this case.
But seriously girls, don't date the bad boy. He WANTS to be miserable. Moreover, he wants YOU to be miserable because he is. And if you let him, he will do anything to make sure that you are. Its never too late to do better.
And when you find the good guy - don't let go. And seriously, DON'T get annoyed with him for being too nice. That's just silly.
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3 comments:
Thanks for the link love!
Cute post, great advice :)
I once read a self-help book (I think it was called Keeping the Love You Find) that explained a really interesting theory of attraction. It said that we all have issues from our childhoods that hurt us. As grown-ups, we try to recreate those situations in an attempt to fix them this time around.
For example, I never knew my father. He didn't want to have anything to do with my mother or me. So for many years, I chased after emotionally-unavailable men, trying to get them to love me--to fill that void.
The problem is, if you invite the same issues into your life over and over again, they play out in the same way. Emotionally unavailable men will always be emotionally unavailable!
When Matt came around, it was really hard to break my old pattern and cope with his emotional availability. I'm so glad I did! It's much healthier to be in a mutually loving relationship!
amen sister... i still have lots to figure out about the how and why of my relationship past, but i forgive myself now for allowing it. it's such a cliche but i suppose part of it is coming from a divorced family. i just hadn't ever seen it work, what it could be like. which is why i feel compelled to spread the message: it can be beautiful beyond your wildest dreams (and also remain fulfilling and supportive in the day to day drudge)!
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